:: October 28, 2002
my neuroses
my lunacy
my curiosity
my vanity
my one groupie-type experience
my obsession with Urd from Ah! My Goddess
my mega-Dad
my therapeutic need to share this
my memory lane trip
my irrationalities once in a while
my self-pity
my response to your Community Organizing list serve posting
my legalese
my fantasy to be a rock star in London today
my long-winded comments
my need for self-expression, or at least self-explanation
my repeated requests
my rant ... now it's all over except for the nightmares
my daughter, Isabella between races
my DMing fetish
my defensiveness
my wordy opinion
my obsession with Pink Floyd
my fascination with royalty
my request to come aboard
my long inked answers
my "pet peeves"
my appetite for what you consider idle talk
my little ritual
my poor sentimental soul
my bad habits
my opening statement
my simplistic survey of a world of man and his capacity for expression and extreme beauty, now playing in an institution near you
my neophyte questions about OOP
me in my testimony of how the Association of Flight Attendants has changed my life and opened my eyes to the need of a voice at work
me in my fantasy of writing corny horror drivel
me in my little game
me in my eternal recollection
me in my little monologue
me in my psuedo-scientific meditations on the relationship between, say, a coconut tree and a fine grain of sand ::
:: October 23, 2002
(in no particular order.)
1. Tupac Shakur
2. Rick Rubin
3. Big Pun
4. Biz Markie
5. El-P
6. Mr. Len
7. Xzibit
8. Redman
9. Ice-T
10. most of the Wu-tang Clan
11. all of Cypress Hill
12. Prince Paul
13. most of De La Soul
13. Q-Tip
14. Snoop Dogg
15. Grandmaster Melle Mel
16. Ice Cube
17. Sir Mix-a-Lot
18. Tone Loc
19. Afrika Bambaataa
20. R.A. The Rugged Man
21. Ill Bill
22. Timbaland
23. DJ Shadow
24. DJ Krush
25. DJ Kool Herc
26. some of the Cold Crush Brothers
27. Whodini
28. DMC
29. Funkmaster Flex
30. P. Diddy
31. Lonzo (of the World Class Wreckin' Cru)
32. Suge Knight (honorary mention)
33. Chuck D
[ promotional material for beard.blogspot.com ] ::
:: June 13, 2002
WAYS I HAVE ANSWERED THE PHONE AT DIFFERENT JOBS.
by Kevin Fanning.
Good morning, [company name], how can I help you?
Hello, [company name]?
[company name], this is Kevin?
[company name], this is Kevin.
This is Kevin.
[company name].
Um, [company name]??? (Temp job)
Hi, [company name]. ::
:: May 15, 2002
PEOPLE AT THE YMCA.
Large Asian-American college athlete who does an interesting stretch that you try yourself when he's out of eyeshot.
Fat girl on the elliptical runner who you're totally rooting for.
Sick lady who is excercising anyway, sniffling, clearing her throat.
Icky yoga practicioner guy with gray chest hair and see-thru shorts.
Older woman on a stationary bike in denim jeans and a purple turtleneck with a perfect hairdo. Later, she's doing stretches that remind you of high-school P.E.
Gangly teen boy who asks nicely if he can cut in front of you in circuit.
Greek-looking man in sauna with back dimples. His sweat marks remain long after he leaves.
A pair of young blondes, you're not sure whether they're siblings or lovers. The male half often jumps rope. ::
:: May 6, 2002
TOP KARAOKE THEME PARTY IDEAS.
Caveoke
Khmer-aoke
Chaireoke (Popular in South and Central America -- the mike is passed around the table instead of the singer getting on stage).
Scaraoke (for Halloween)
Hairyoke (Heavy metal songs only?)
Prayereoke (for your next church gathering)
Aireoke (Wouldn't you like there to be karaoke on airplanes?)
Fairyoke or Dykeoke (self-explanatory) ::
:: April 21, 2002
GREAT FORGOTTEN ARCADE GAME TITLES.
Act-Fancer Cybernetick Hyper Weapon
Appoooh
Arm Wrestling
Atomic Point
Beastie Feastie
Birdie King II
Block Gal
Bonze Adventure
Brain
Camel Try
Car Action
Cheeky Mouse
Chiki Chiki Boys
Crush Roller
Defend the Terra Attack on the Red UFO
Depthcharge
Do! Run Run
Dog Patch
Drift Out
Eggs
Electric Yo-Yo, The
Exciting Hour
Exed Exes
Fighting Golf
Flicky
Funky Bee
Funny Mouse
Gun Dealer
Get Star
Gypsy Juggler
Hangly-Man
Homo
Hot Shocker
I'm Sorry
I, Robot
Image Fight
Jump Bug
Kick Man
Kiki Kaikai
King & Balloon
King of Boxer
Kozmik Kroozr
Kram
Led Storm
Liquid Kids
Macho Mouse
Mad Planet
Magical Spot II
Maze of Flott
Midnight Resistance
Minky Monkey
Money Money
Mr. Do vs. Unicorns
Muscle Bomber - The Body Explosion
My Hero
Mysterious Stones
Narc
Naughty Boy
Nebulous Bee
Pang
Pickin'
Pig Newton
Pioneer Balloon
Pnickies
Pocket Gal
Pop Flamer
Prehistoric Isle in 1930
Psycho-Nics Oscar
Punk Shot
Quiz & Dragons
Rad Action
Rainbow Islands
Robot Bowl
RodLand
Saint Dragon
Same! Same! Same!
Savage Bees
Sky Kid
Slap Fight
Super Real Darwin
Us vs. Them
Video Hustler
Wonder Boy in Monster Land
Xenophobe ::
:: March 8, 2002
WEINERMOBILE BUMPER STICKER SLOGANS
My Other Car is a Taco
Ask Me Where I Park My Weiner at Night
No Parking in Rear
Why Yes, I Am Happy to See You ::
:: March 6, 2002
NAMES OF TEAMS ON AN ACTUAL GAY BOWLING LEAGUE, IN ORDER OF LEAGUE STANDINGS DURING THE PENULTIMATE WEEK OF PLAY.
1. Bowl O Nuts
2. Three Ho's in a Ball
3. Howdy Ho's
4. Kiss My Average
5. Bunny's Boys
6. We Don't Know
7. The Excitement Machine
8. The Rainbowlers
9. Four Easy Pickups
10. Alley Pigs
11. Stiff Pins
12. Bitches of Brunswick
13. Tom Boys
14. Easily Amused
15. Pocket Rockets
16. Pin Busters
17. Fish N Chips
18. Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough
19. We're No Angels
20. The Libras
21. Three Men & a Hairdresser
22. Tails of the City
23. The Trouble Makers
24. Burnt Panties
25. The Growers
26. Paula's Fault
27. Lo Que Sea (Whatever)
28. Gutter Sluts ::
:: March 5, 2002
MEXICO OBSERVATIONS.
A stationer called Sangre de Cristo.
Many fruit juice/milk concoctions sipped out of plastic bags with straws.
Playstation parlors are a popular gathering spot for the kids.
Cigarette ads on TV.
The trash hounds are meek and sad, and they all limp.
Every church has a non-gruesome Christ in a Box and a horror-movie-makeup-special-FX gruesome depicition of the crucifixion.
Lucha Libre doesn't have nearly the presence I was hoping for. But some.
The strolling mariachi band members disperse to look for paying customers. Each have their own call or whistle to summon everyone back together for a song.
All barbershop and beauty parlor interiors seem to be painted a light green or light blue, and seem to glow from within as you pass by.
The least aggressive beggars ever.
Where old-school Volkswagen Beetles live!
If I lived there, I would be a sign painter. ::
:: February 11, 2002
LINGUISTICS TERMS THAT SOUND DIRTY, BUT ARE NOT.
Clitic
Uvula
Bilabial
Penult
Oral
Deixis
Insertion
Domination
Ejective
Stripping
Binding ::
:: February 6, 2002
BANDS UPON WHICH I AND MY FIRST COLLEGE ROOMMATE, Who Was a Deadhead, COULD MUTUALLY AGREE*.
Led Zeppelin
Cat Stevens
Pink Floyd
Edie Brickell & the New Bohemians
Van Morrison
*this was 1990-91 ::
:: January 29, 2002
SUPERPOWERS THAT REALLY AREN'T ALL THAT MUCH TO ASK FOR.
Conscientious Flosser
Lard Radar
The Cord/Tape Untangler
Perfect Message Leaver ::
:: January 12, 2002
THINGS TO BE AFRAID OF.
Bugs in walls
Bugs in shoes
Things flying off speeding trucks (esp. potatoes, mattresses)
Christmas lights
People who decide the only way they're ever going to have an impact on this world is to finally take action on those urges to turn their table over in a restaurant or ram everything in sight on the freeway
Doll attacks ::
:: January 6, 2002
THINGS THAT ALMOST RHYME WITH MACARONI.
Zamboni
Bologna
Tripoli
Mustafa
Marcone
Manischewitz
Car
Da Mack
Rice a Roni
Calzone
Mark & Al Capone
Gotta Score Some Smack ::
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