:: December 19, 2006
Hellooooo! The Excitement Machine will be offline for a few days while it gets a long hot bath. See you soon.
UPDATE: OK, back. See, I switched hosts. Almost everything is working except comments -- will get that in order soonish. Merry Xmas everybody! ::
:: May 17, 2006
Today is the five year anniversary of this blog! Of course the thing has become stagnant but I still have the love. Here is the first entry:
Dan has a scary bitchy girl over right now looking at the place. She's little and has a weak handshake. Apparently she didn't feel that it was necessary to hide her disgust with my room depite the fact that I was standing right there.
I don't understand how some people get to be the way they are.
I got a rejection letter from the job today. I want to write the old grandpa-ish Texan executive director and say, hey, next time you interview a person (twice), you shouldn't show her to what would be her new private office, seat her in what would be her huge, ergonomically correct office chair, and give her a writing test on what would be her G4 and 20" monitor. Because when you reject her, she has to go back to her $20 task chair and four-year-old Mac clone crammed into a 15' X 30' office with four other editors.
Dan just said the prospective housemate told him she's "really into her spirituality."
Five years ago I had just gotten engaged and was moving out of my duplex to live in semi-sin with Bryan. We were working at The Austin Chronicle. I was sick of it and looking for another job. In January 2002 we were both mysteriously fired. (These two facts are probably related but to this day I still don't understand it completely.) But never mind -- the early oughts were a wonderful, creative time. Working at the Chronicle I encountered strange and interesting things all the time. The first month of entries reflect that (OK, maybe not that first one) and are still some of my favorites -- I'd point you to others but I just discovered that a number of my archives have been hacked! Hmm, gotta fix that.
I still encounter strange and interesting things all the time, but now they are mostly tied up with my work, and it would be getting into hinkey territory to talk about them online. Honestly though, I used to get out a lot more and was generally a lot more charmed and puzzled about the oddball things that happen every day. I'd like to get back in that mindset and that habit of recording such things, even if nobody is listening anymore. ::
:: January 12, 2005
My pal Greg, who is
1. one of the original Excitement Machine bowling team members
2. Austin's best music writer AND food writer
3. an extraordinary soft rocker
is now gracing the web with his very own weblog. Give it up for Greg Beets! (crowd roar)! ::
:: October 2, 2004
My videoke debut is briefly immortalized in the Alamo's trailer! Note poor Kevin jumping in front of me because I was supposed to be flipping him off before I flipped off the audience. ::
:: August 8, 2004
Sorry to bring everyone down with us over the past few days. If that's not already one of the stages of grief, it should be. ::
:: May 7, 2004
It makes me sad to see someone capitalizing on something I have always wanted to capitalize on myself but have done for free. Though the small price tag and large amount of used items available for even cheaper make me feel better. ::
:: January 16, 2004
I have started a new weblog about crafts at dioramarama.com/kmel. I have yet to add any, uhh, visual interest to it, but please visit if you're into that sort of thing. ::
:: January 15, 2004
My dad was in a car accident this weekend. He's OK, which is lucky because he was rear-ended while at a stop (because of another accident) by someone going full speed on a California freeway. His face hit the steering wheel and was pretty messed up, but somehow no bones were broken. He's posting pictures of his recovery on his website, here (warning: totally gross). He's got such a wacky sense of humor. Go dad! ::
:: December 30, 2003
Excitement Machine's Highlights of 2003:
-- Holding and thumbing through my freshly bound Master's Thesis
-- Walking into our freshly bought house
-- Celebrating one year of marriage
-- Experiencing Lightning and Thunder at Gregg and Molly's wedding
-- Rescuing the exhausted, dehydrated puppy that walked into the vintage store on Hildebrand street in San Antonio
Lowlights of 2003:
-- Losing our Simpsons action figure collection
-- Walking into my first and very important meeting in speech pathology 20 minutes late on the hottest day ever and being put on the spot to voluntarily stutter
-- Obligatorily watching the obligatorily videotaped sessions with our clients and realizing I have BACK FAT
-- Coming to terms with the noises above my head in our office being rodents, ripping up our floors to find a layer of slime and mold (as if the asbestos wasn't enough)
-- Bo and Mocha, RIP
-- June Carter Cash and then Johnny Cash, RIP
My favorite sites and posts of 2003:
-- Jamuary (by BK)
-- Items containing the word "chum"
-- Kevin Guilfoile's Madalyn Murray OÕHair in Hell series
-- Poses I would do if I were a J.Crew model, actually all of J.R.'s lists
-- Photographer Irwin Norling, by Brad Zellar
-- Listmania Lists by John Moe
-- Learning to Love You More
-- Swedish Band Postcards
-- Cardhouse photo essays Food City and Arizona Deep-Fried State Fair
Movies I saw (not many):
-- 28 Days Later (on DVD): Excellent, sad. Good for those who like scary movies but don't want to be scared afterwards. Did anyone else see the "radically alternative ending" on the DVD extras? Pee-yew. I'm glad they went with the one they did.
-- All the Real Girls, which friend Mike Linnen scored. Gorgeous, but dear lord was it tedious (by no fault of Mike's of course). Then again I had a raging headache during the whole thing.
American Splendor: Probably my favorite from this year.
-- Elf: Hilarious until it started being about believing in Santa
-- Finding Nemo (on DVD): Wished I had seen in on the big screen.
-- Lost in Translation: Sorry, but I really hated this movie. I couldn't muster up any sympathy for either character.
-- A Mighty Wind: YES
-- Pirates of the Carribean (on DVD): Very good. A little confused and tedious at the end there.
-- The Shape of Things (on DVD): OK I guess, but I could see the "twist" coming from a million miles away.
-- X-Men II: I love this shit.
-- Movies I still want to see: Mike Judge's and Don Herdzfeldt's Animation Show, Intolerable Cruelty, Lawd of the Rings, Melvin Goes to Dinner, The Station Agent, Sylvia (even though it got awful reviews). ::
:: November 1, 2003
Posting has been slow for a long time, I know. I have a feeling that the glory days of the Excitement Machine are over, not that I want it that way. See, I recently began a graduate program that is time-consuming to the extreme. The program is speech and language pathology, and boy oh boy I wish I could write about my adventures there but I am bound by confidentiality agreements, not to mention simple human decency. Really though, our clinic could easily be the basis for a television drama, like E.R. but with less blood, and staffed exclusively by hot ladies.
Also, we became first-time homeowners this summer, so new hobbies such as "worrying about asbestos" have all but replaced idle web-surfing.
So even though this website has become super low-priority and even a source of occasional guilt, I have no compulsion to close up shop or anything. I know I'm probably losing audience members in droves; fortunately my web stats do little to effect my overall self-esteem. Yay! So in case you were wondering, "what the hell UP Excitement Machine?!?", well now you know. I will probably work on making this thing more of a group effort, so maybe the pace will pick up around here, but maybe it will not. Who knows? I'm an enigma. ::
:: September 24, 2003
By the way, I've been posting to Ms. Mena Trott's Sew Wrong. ::
:: July 10, 2003
I will not be posting for a while because of an impending master's thesis due date. Instead of writing few words for many people I will write many words for few people. BUT! Bryan and J.R. will be babysitting. Welcome to Fantasy Island! When I come back, I want everyone to call me "Master Kmel" please. ::
:: June 5, 2003
I rarely take a political stance on the Excitement Machine, but the events of the last few days have really got me down. So I decided to do something about it: I opened a Pixeltees shop and created this T-shirt. Please buy one and wear it proudly. Even if you don't agree, buy one and wear it ironically, like you did with Winona. Maybe just maybe Martha will get our message and know that the world isn't just one big dripping nasty ball of schadenfreude.
(P.S. for those who saw the minimalist shirt yesterday, well, I've learned more about how to make a Pixeltees shirt, and I think Martha would like this one better.) ::
:: May 31, 2003
These are my first eBay auctions ever. Bid bid bid bid bid and own a piece of the Excitement Machine estates.
Retro Swimsuit #1
Retro Swimsuit #2
Takamine Jasmine Acoustic Guitar
Capos, Guitar Chord Book, and Electric Tuner
Rock and swim! ::
:: May 17, 2003
The Excitement Machine enters its terrible twos today. Here's to many more years of infrequent posting and sparse comments that I rarely respond to! WOOOOOOO! Do you like to party? Well, party with the Excitement Machine tonight! ::
:: April 24, 2003
New in photos: some shots from my volunteer gig at the Austin Humane Society SPCA, a no-kill shelter. They don't really capture the bittersweet pathos of the place, but it's hard to attend to digital photography excellence and your charge's playing and pooping needs all at the same time. ::
:: March 25, 2003
I made a photolog, where I'll be putting little groups of digital photos that I've taken over the past two or so years. Don't know if it'll be interesting to anyone but the Excitement Machine inner circle, but if you see anything you like, it's yours. ::
:: March 24, 2003
The winners of the Excitement Machine Oscar Not-Technically-a-Pool: rpritchett and logan j sommers tied for most picks (7 out of 12), and my linguistics department pal So-Hee Kim wins for fewest correct picks (0 of 12).
Some numbers:
Of a total of 32 entries, the number of people who picked:
Chicago for best picture: 12
(most picks; GoNY 7; LoTR 7; the Pianist 4; the Hours 2)
Road to Perdition for best cinematography: 13
(most picks; GoNY 7; FFH 7; Chicago 3; the Pianist 2)
Adrien Brody for best actor: 9
(DDL 9; MC 7; NC 4; JN 3)
Nicole Kidman for best actress: 12
(most picks; DL 7; RZ 5; SH 4; JM 4)
Bowling for Columbine for best documentary: 14
(most picks; WM 7; Spellbound 5; DFD 4; PoP 1; no vote 1)
Chris Cooper for best supporting actor: 11
(most picks; CW 7; JCR 6; PN 6; EH 2)
Catherine Zeta-Jones for best supporting actress: 5
(KB 9; QL 7; JM 7; MS 4)
Roman Polanski for best director: 3
(MS 9; PA 8; RM 7; SD 5)
Nowhere in Africa for foreign language film: 5
(Hero (China) 9; MWP (Finland) 8; ECdPA (Mexico) 8; Z&Z (Netherlands) 2)
Spirited Away for animated feature film: 8
(TP 9; L&S 7; S:SotC 4; IA 4)
The Pianist for adapted screenplay: 2
(AaB 8; Adaptation 11; Chicago 7; the Hours 4)
Talk to Her for original screenplay: 10
(MBFGW 8; YTMT 5; FFH 5; GoNY 4)
------------
Next year, I be bustin out with regression lines and shit. ::
:: March 23, 2003
Redesign of the links page now complete. ::
:: March 4, 2003
I wanted to publicly thank Greg "Airbag" Storey, who gave me one of his tickets to SXSW Interactive. He doesn't even know me, he just offered and I was at the right place at the right time. What a guy! I feel that I should do something at the fest to make him proud. Suggestions? ::
:: March 3, 2003
Howdy, I'm back!
Changelog 2003:
1. No more frames. Why did I use frames?
2. The boy band photo is from the 1968 Fall-Winter 1968 Sears catalog. This is a great catalog, very lively. Lauren Hutton is a model in it, at least I think it's her. It even has a theme: "be a neatnik." This band should be called The Neatniks.
3. Made category archives, which are still coming along.
4. And to your right, as you can see, I have availed myself of the blogrolling service. Very handy!
5. The old picture dump and lists sections are now part of the main log.
6. I still have some tweaking, and the redesign still has to trickle down to other sections of this site (the comments, for instance). Let me know if you encounter anything that doesn't seem right.
7. I failed web lent, and how. ::
:: January 23, 2003
I have decided that I must curb my frivilous web surfing until I get this big list of stuff to do done with. When I come back (in a month or so?), it will be with a redesign, so steal my bitchin code while you still can. My web lent begins ... now ::
:: December 30, 2002
New on the Excitement Machine: ads from Ebony Magazine, January 1972. The cover story of this issue was majorettes and marching bands of black colleges, so I offer this as a soundtrack. It's from DJ Shadow Presents: Schoolhouse Funk, a compilation of high school and college marching bands from the 60s and 70s. You can download the album from eMusic if you feel like giving up your credit card number for a free trial membership. ::
:: December 5, 2002
Stan alerted me that the JC Penney Catalog Nostalgia was chosen by Yahoo's Year in Review to be among the top 25 sites of the year. Bryan says, "Holy shit, you're a superstar! And you almost beat out Philip Glass. People truly are suckers. What's with their fasination with the bearded skier?"
I'm still waiting to be sued, maybe this will put us over the top. Cross your fingers!
By the way, JC Penney's has its archives and museum in Plano, TX, so you can visit all the old catalogs in person. But, you'd have to go to Plano. ::
:: November 17, 2002
Help me, fashion conscious young adult! Does anyone have back issues of Jane magazine? From the ol' referrer logs I found this thread, in which someone suggests a recent fashion spread ("100 under 100") may have been inspired by the JC Penney 1980 catalog site (or old Sears/JC catalogs in general). The original message was posted in mid-October, so I guess it would be the October or November issue? Anyway, I'd love to see scans of the pages. ::
:: September 5, 2002
While my Internet access was away on vacation, I made some desktops. Logo-free, even. Here's the first. Download 800x600 | Download 1024x768 ::
:: August 22, 2002
Like my surnamesake Thornton Mellon, I am going back to school. That's right, friends, seven sweet months of ass-spread from watching JM J. Bullock on the Oxygen channel (interrupted only by my bimonthly roll to the mailbox for the unemployment check) is coming to an end in a short five days. Actually, the dole dried up last week, which is why I'm writing to you today.
Now, I'm not the type to axe for donations, but I am the type to sell you some CDs. By buying something at the Excitement Machine's Craptacular CD Blowout, know that you're keeping us in cable television for another month and contribuiting to the feng shui of our closetless shack, in which my return to graduate studies will force us to remain for untold years.
Just some of the musical treats that can be had at the Excitement Machine's Craptacular CD Blowout:
· Promotional CDs rejected by music editor Raoul Hernandez of the Austin "Kill Me Now" Chronicle, bound up with the futile hopes and dreams of aspiring musicians everywhere
· Pretentious indie rock that got me lots of cred with ironic T-shirt wearing men
· Surplus items from the merging of Excitement Machine households
· Stuff "borrowed" from "friends"
· Grateful Dead, because they're so totally the demographic of this website
· No Oingo Boingo, sorry
I suppose I'll put up a more permanent link to this. That way you can judge the quality of the offerings over time as a function of our financial health, and just laugh and laugh. ::
:: August 2, 2002
Today, I expanded my links page vertically, quantitatively, and qualitatively. I wish I could go further horizonally, but that would require math. ::
:: July 12, 2002
My second story for PopCult is now online. It's an interview with the oft-mentioned Charles Phoenix of God Bless Americana and musings on the found photography movement-if-you-want-to-call-it-that.
In other other people's slides news, These slides of a dead man in a coffin prompted my first submission to Whowouldbuythat.com. It's even weirder that the weird dude who's selling them (BUYING AND SELLING IS MY HOBBY. SHOW BUSINESS IS MY LIFE! JUST WHO IS JACK SWERSIE???) is charging so much for them. ::
:: May 30, 2002
Please read "The Hooters of Hairdressers?: Greg Beets and Glu Get Buzzed at Sexy Scissors." Even though the stories are about an Austin establishment, it touches on themes that I think everyone can relate to. It's the inaugural piece for the brand-new and long-awaited (by me, anyway) Excitement Machine Features Section. Hopefully, column 1 (genuine Excitement Machine content) will be as long as column 2 (links to stuff I've written for other publications) before too long. If you'd like to contribute, and you think your stuff jives with our stuff, please!, let me know. ::
:: May 8, 2002
Comments. "Comments (0)" all the way down the page makes me so sad. It makes me feel fat. Won't you help? Start today! Start below! A hurled insult, your hopes and dreams, your favorite cereal or candy bar. Speculation that people who get a lot of comments are making them all up themselves to seem popular. You don't even have to use your real identity. One word will suffice, a word you think is gross ("tunic!" "moist!" "beige!") or a phrase you think is gross ("moist beige tunic!"). Bust a rhyme. Take a penny, leave a penny! C'mon, buddy! ::
:: April 29, 2002
I repeat: the results are in from the Photoshop Young Turtlenecked George W. Bush Doppelganger Contest may be found here. I was surprised that nobody portrayed young George doing a line of coke! Discuss who you would have picked to win below. ::
:: April 24, 2002
Some recent search requests that resulted in visits to the Excitement Machine:
pictures of ugly kids
listen to songs that have words
rhinotillexomania eating nose
"mongolian barbecues"
where can i find cheerleading
story about maniac breast sucker
i am ugly
PUT IT IN MY ASS SON
ugly kids' names
liquor clip art
clean nose machine
chicken diseases
minkey mo
your so ugly joke
reason it is a t.v. show for kids ::
:: April 5, 2002
The April 2002 issue of Playboy Magazine, the one with Tiffany, uses the font ITC Pioneer on the cover, same as the Excitement Machine. Now I look at the Excitement Machine logo-banner-headline and can think only of this magazine cover and of Tiffany, even though the May issue is already out and we can all begin the process of forgetting Tiffany again. Gimmicky fonts can turn on you like that, and I blame nothing except my own design choices. I think Andy Warhol said that if you have a big ugly pimple, why not draw a big circle around it with a magic marker rather than covering it up and hoping people don't notice it, but they do and that makes you uncomfortable and them uncomfortable and there's this unacknowledged pimple getting in the way of everyone's good times. So instead of covering up this scandal and hoping you never saw this particular issue on your newsstands or mailboxes or your bathroom porn holder, I am drawing a circle around this typographical zit. Isn't it beautiful? ::
:: April 2, 2002
Thanks to Superbad, the Excitement Machine is big in Japan! See the translation, if you dare. ::
The lists page has a batch of new list-poems by Chris Weige, new links and archives sections, and has been CSS-ified. Check it, mammajammas. ::
:: March 23, 2002
The Excitement Machine has an easily navigable antidote for the grumpies! TV Guide says:
Livin' in the '80s
"While nostalgia for the 1980s may seem a bit premature, we can't get enough of the 1980 JC Penney Fall-Winter Catalog. Scanned into easily navigated pages at ExcitementMachine.org/JC, paging through images of stiff women modeling the Xanadu look, bathroom fashions in colors that have to be seen to be believed and, of course, Spider-Man Underoos (for the flyest kid on the playground) should add a sheepish grin to the grumpiest face."
Too bad they capitalized the "jc," because that won't get you there. Weirdos. ::
:: March 21, 2002
Yahoo is your only source for pure, unadulterated celebrity couple news. No distracting news about single stars unless they have been recently forced into singlehood. ::
:: March 7, 2002
Highfalutin fancy supersites like Slate, Yahoo Internet Life, Metafilter, and Glock Talk (hiya, gun nuts, what up!?) have been linking to The JCPenney Catalog Fall-Winter 1980 over the last few days, propelling the Excitement Machine to astronomical stardom that few people attain in their entire lifetimes. I know that fame, like that busty Survivor Marquesas chick, is a vapid bitch, and I can expect it to last about as long as she'll be eating the gooey innards of freshly cracked sea snails for dinner. ::
:: February 26, 2002
Dear Ladies and Gentlemen,
Please pardon the lack of Excitement Machine updates while Bryan and I tour sunny interior Mexico. Also please send us comfortable shoe vibes. If you can protect us against water-borne illnesses by the power of your thoughts alone, that would be mighty appreciated too.
Later skater,
Kim ::
:: February 22, 2002
New today on the Excitement Machine: Selections From the JCPenney Catalog, Fall-Winter 1980.
::
:: February 13, 2002
Please behold my new links page, which is all about CSS now. I only have access to the Macintosh computer for the time being, so if you PC people would be so kind as to tell me if anything is freaking out on you, I would appreciate it, no lie! I'm hoping to convert the entire Excitement Machine to CSS-based layouts, which is the opposite of exciting, I know. You know what is even less exciting? That's right, it's backwards compatibility.
P.S. It didn't ever work on Netscape 4 and its bitch browser ilk. It still doesn't. But it will, oh, it WILL. ::
:: February 1, 2002
We are heart-warmed that a gentleman or lady named "beef" of fuck-you.org has described Bryan's drawings as "Jean-Michel Basquiat meets Matt Groening-esque," and that someone misread Excitementmachine.org as "ExcrementMachine.org." Thanks, fuck-you! ::
:: January 30, 2002
Today we announce another new Excitement Machine section. It is dedicated to the drawings of Bryan Kight, genius self taught outsider folk comic drawing artist. More to be thrown into the random mix as time progresses. ::
:: January 7, 2002
Keeping good on my promises. The lists section is now up, with some stuff from the old Excitement Machine, the list-poetry of Chris Weige, and a little something new. ::
:: January 1, 2002
There's a new section as of today: Click on "mp3 machine" to your left and for your troubles you'll get a nice mp3 from my vast pirate booty. The selection will be rotated frequently. This is so totally illegal, so don't tell anyone.
I also quietly added a picture log a while back -- it's where I'll be depositing finds in the clip arts, weird publicity art that finds its way to my desk, photographs of my doing, and so on.
In the near future, you might expect those non-working links to your left (features, lists, advice) to actually go somewhere. I've got the content, but not the code, know what I'm saying?
Just a little New Year's looking-ahead time from your Excitement Machine. ::
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