:: January 12, 2005
My pal Greg, who is
1. one of the original Excitement Machine bowling team members
2. Austin's best music writer AND food writer
3. an extraordinary soft rocker
is now gracing the web with his very own weblog. Give it up for Greg Beets! (crowd roar)! ::
:: July 14, 2004
One of the downsides to our house, which we moved into a year ago this week, is that it is not near a good supermarket. By good I mean that it has all of the following:
- edible produce
- non-hippie cereals
- toilet paper, and Suave shampoo
- all at a low low price!
We have a fancy pants Central Market within walking distance, but it is unacceptable considering the last three criteria. We also have a Randalls right up the street, but it fails to provide low low prices and edible produce. Plus, the whole "Randalls Card" thing where they track your purchases for undoubtedly diabolical reasons is suspicious.
We are starting to change our mind about Randalls though. For some reason, it attracts a whole different crowd than the middle-America H-E-B and the upper-America Central Market. And it's not the melting-pot America that the very cool but faraway Fiesta Mart draws either. Randalls is FREAKY TEXAS AMERICA, and for that reason we've begun to frequent the place, not unwillingly. Every single time we go there, without fail, we have some weird encounter, that if not delightful are at least world-view shaking. In the past they have involved
- a shopper with severe Tourette's syndrome (which I know is not appropriate to classify as freaky America, but it's interesting that the only place I've ever really encountered it was there)
- many instances of people muttering under their breath
- people sharing their Lean Cuisine preferences at length with me
- fender benders in the (usually quite empty) parking lot
- baggers telling me out of the blue that a transient was killed last night on the frontage road right in front of this very store
- and in general, strange looking people in line in front of me with strange purchases
Like today. Today I went to fetch some "Gourmayo" to complement a recent giant artichoke acquisition, some Blue Bell Ice Cream (buy one get one free with your Randalls Card, hot diggety!), and some Shiner beer. I went to check out, and the checkout lady looked chagrined. She muttered something about aisle twelve. I asked how she was doing, in a small talky way. She said,
"Oh ... well. You know. It's ... " (shakes her head, trails off)
Me: "Rough day, huh?" (thinking her current troubles were limited to aisle 12)
Her: "Yeah, I'm not supposed to say."
Me: (thinking that not talking shit about her coworkers is probably a good call)
Her: "I'm trying to get custody of my kid."
Me: ... !
Her: "Well, I had custody, but now my husband won't give her back."
Me: "uh ... wow. That's awful. I'm sorry."
Her: "Well Ms. Kmel, you saved $3.47 today by using your Randall's card."
Me: "Great!" (Sympathetic but uncomfortable smile)
Her: "Have a nice day."
Me: "Um. OK. Good luck?"
Hopefully these encounters don't stop just because I've decided to document them for posterity. ::
:: January 17, 2004
The City of Austin Solid Waste Services' mascot and superhero, Captain Can
Available for your next school assembly. ::
:: July 2, 2003
The Austin episode of Insomniac with Dave Attell airs tomorrow. Featuring our local all-girl roller derby league and maybe my friend Anne, who ran into the crew at the Red Eyed Fly. ::
:: May 2, 2003
We interrupt this art week (which will be extended to art two weeks I think) to say Happy No Pants Day! It's a local Austin custom but there's no reason it can't be celebrated anywhere and everywhere.
UT's Knighthood of Buh, who is behind No Pants Day, has a political wing whose platform includes: "We will rename the Longhorns to the Tropicana Pure Premiumhorns." ::
:: March 18, 2003
Hey Austin don't miss this.
LUCHA LIBRE III This is the real deal, folks: Professional wrestling, Mexican style, full-on with flamboyant masks and the like! If you're not familiar with lucha libre, think back to such classic masked wrestlers as Mr. Wrestling I and II and Mil Masceras, the man of a thousand masks. These folks were basically just refugees from the Mexican leagues. Down on the southeast side, there will be 20 masked wrestlers from Juarez, Mexico and El Paso competing in six matches. The bell tolls in honor of Mexican wrestling legend Santo - 10 times to be exact. Lucha libre sensation Chavo Guerrero will be on hand as well. This is not one to miss! Saturday, March 22, 8pm. Dove Springs Community Center, 5801 Ainez Drive, off E. Stassney. $10 ($5, kids 12 and under). 447-5875. ::
:: March 9, 2003
James Brown is playing the 2003 Star of Texas Fair & Rodeo on March 31. Now that's something! ::
:: March 6, 2003
(by MicHael Galkovsky)
Today The Morning News has a photo essay of Austin toilets by MicHael Galkovsky. Some of them are quite coy! The photographer also has a great series on the demolition of the I-35 Montgomery Ward on his site, called Mindgutter. Not to mention more great imagery, Austin-related and not, all under a Creative Commons Attribution deed. ::
:: March 4, 2003
A couple Tuesdays ago while flippin channels we came across ACAC (that's Austin Community Access Center) channel 16, which was showing a low-budget music video featuring an older man playing in a rock band with a couple of young girls against a backdrop of psychedelic swirlies. I believe the girls were singing. It was very crazy, and Bryan and I were dumbstruck.
A little further viewing revealed that the man's name was Reverend Ricky and the girls were his daughters. The music video served as a bumper between the Reverend's religio-political rants. These weren't your average public access TV rants, though ... well, maybe they were. But he delivered them with a toilet seat hanging around his neck (a John Lennon reference) and sitting behind a plaque that read "Greatest Stud." He made frequent references to "Dr. Laura's Testicle Crushing Machine." All I could tell that he was anti-gay, anti-feminist (yet anti-Dr. Laura as well), anti-Baptist, pro-Beatles, and extremely pro-sex. He made use of lots of props. Witness:
More photos, taken off the TV with our cheap digital camera, are here. We searched for Reverend Ricky on the web to no avail, and he seems to have disappeared from ACAC's schedule. Even though his views are mostly opposite my own, I was drawn to this Reverend Ricky because, damn, what a weird mix of hobby horses. Let us sing the praises of public access TV, hallelujah. Plus, I am hoping to see that band again, somehow, some day. ::
This was posted on The Morning News almost a month ago, but hey, I'm catching up here: "Madalyn Murray O©öHair in Hell: The Mystery of the Antenoran Chant", Part II of Kevin Guilfoile's series. (Part I here.)
If you don't know the real-life O'Hair saga, here's a story package (including a timeline) that ran in the Austin Chronicle a while ago, back when she was merely presumed dead. ::
:: June 27, 2002
Austin egg roll cart a front for crime. If you've ever been a UT student, the egg roll cart was your friend. Damn, I wish I'd known they were hawking Vicodin! ::
:: March 25, 2002
Roadhouse Relics in Austin is cool as shit: "The 1930's and 1940's were the peak of metal/neon sign building in America, an art that was all but lost by the 1970's. Roadhouse Relics has painstakingly researched the techniques and craftsmanship used in these early pieces of American culture. Research included locating and studying sign journals and trade literature from the 30's and 40's. We also purchased, disassembled, and studied the actual neon signs themselves from the era. In some cases, we've located and interviewed the old sign masters who are still around. The final result is a stunning piece of art that will last for many decades to come." ::
:: January 16, 2002
For all you Austinites and other IH-35 hayterz out there: Texasfreeway.com has lots of historical photos of our town before that roaring, gaping hellmouth was installed and during the roaring, gaping hellmouth's construction and expansion. It's fun to play "Identify the Buildings That Still Remain":
Southward along East Ave. around downtown, December 1959: IH-35 replaced East Ave.
Southward along East Ave. in the vicinity of MLK Blvd. (formerly 19th Street), date unknown
Southward from just north of First Street: During construction.
38th Street looking north, 1971: The building on the left with the tree sticking out the top is the present day offices of the Austin Chronicle, where I am right this very moment! Note the pre-Hancock Center Sears. This is during construction of the upper deck.
::
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