:: June 15, 2001
I've been wanting to build a web page dedicated to weird hometown commercials and commercial icons. Trouble is, being low-budget deals, it's hard to gather anything but anecdotal information on them. There's no web page for Andy Howard Pest Control, whose commercial features this serial-killer-looking fellow repeating the words "kill your bugs" over and over like a mantra, as they zoom closer and closer in on his not-meant-for-closeups face. You can't download off Napster the long-lost theme song to the local auto body shop Body Tech, this great, creepy, catchy song with freaky harmonies. I did, however, come across the not-one-but-two sites dedicated to the unofficial king of hometown commericals, California car dealership mogul Cal Worthington (and His Dog Spot). His theme song's chorus was "Go See Cal, Go See Cal, Go See Cal," set to the modified tune of "If You're Happy and You Know It Clap Your Hands." Only dog Spot was never a dog, he was a horse or an elephant or a bear or a lion. He crazy! (Link via Memepool.) ::
:: June 13, 2001
I got a press release from the American Association for Nude Recreation regarding the 26th Annual Nude Recreation Week (July 9-15). It's a nationwide thing, with nekkid activities ranging from clothing-optional Survivor (in Malibu, Calif.), BBQ Cookout (Naples, Fla., watch out for them splatters!), a Flashlight Dance Party (Warm Springs, Ga.), Naked Volleyball just about everywhere, and, puzzlingly, a canned food drive (Lutz, Fla.). AANR's website has a must-read Nude Recreation FAQ and Tips for the First-Timer (in the tradition of Douglas Adams, R.I.P., always bring a towel). ::
:: June 12, 2001
I kidnapped Catboy yesterday and moved him to the new house. He seems to like the place, which is more of a giant cat tree than a human home anyway. I got it for you, Catboy. Since he's an outside resident, I'd never really seen him poo in the litter box till this morning. He peed, then very meticulously shoveled the litter over it in a tidy pile, then repeated the process for the poo, leaving two teepees of gray gravel in the box. Fascinating. ::
:: June 6, 2001
The Cockroach Diaries #1
The first sighting this year was actually at Bryan's house -- a big fat one was in the usual spot above the AC unit when we came home from our Hill Country bike ride on April Fool's Day. There were a few more in the following weeks, but then they disappeared. I only saw a dead one or two when we moved out.
Last night, though, I went to get the last few boxes out of my old house and do the requisite cleaning so the landlord and I could get the deposit ceremony underway. There was a dead one lying belly-up on the kitchen floor. (I mopped last time. That shit's Dan's problem.) In my room, I tossed the too-old traps that had been hiding under heavy furniture and in other recesses since last summer, and wouldn't you know, just minutes later there was one crawling around in the newly-emptied closet. Mother fucker.
I went to drop a load of boxes off at the new house, and noticed a one darting across the roof of my car. It rested on the rear passenger door. I knew it was still there when I drove off, and I tried to drive fast so it'd fly off. But it didn't. It ran across the windshield when I was on the frontage road, exposing its soft underbelly to me. He was as big as my index finger. Spraying it with wiping fluid made it disappear -- hopefully, it landed on I-35, but it's possible it ducked in some crack to plot its revenge.
The count begins here.
Count:
Dead: 1
Alive: 1
Unknown: 1
TOTAL for 6/5/2001: 3 ::
:: June 3, 2001
Bryan's grandfather's funeral was yesterday. We drove the five hours to Longview (the setting of Hands on a Hard Body) with the dog, who happened to be in the throes of some gastrointestinal problems. The hotel was kind enough to look the other way when we brought her in, and she thanked them by taking a giant, wet dump on the carpet the next morning. We cleaned up as best we could and left a nice tip. Ouch.
The local pastor who did part of the service moonlights as a septic tank cleaner-outer. This funeral was his 400th. In the procession from the church to the cemetery, all the cars going the other way pulled over. Some teens in a jeep took off their hats and held them over their hearts as we passed by. I'd never seen anything like that -- it was very touching.
I'd never met Bryan's grandparents before. It was strange and sad to meet his grandmother the same day she was putting her husband, who had been suffering immeasurably over the last month or two, in the ground. We were all at her house, back in our non-mourning clothes, she came home and went right in to take a nap. When she got up, she asked Bryan to bring her a popsicle. ::
:: June 1, 2001
OK, no, this would be the most fucked-up press release I have ever gotten in my whole career.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
MaidAids¨ Speak Housekeeper's Language
OLNEY, MD -- Homeowners frustrated with not being able to communicate to their foreign-language speaking domestic help now have a handy way to get the job done. A new company based in Olney, Maryland, has produced sticky notes that are checklists pre-printed with Spanish directions (and sub titled with English) for common household chores. Called MaidAids¨, these pre-printed notes contain instructions for the housekeeper for each day's work.
Frustrated by not being able to speak the language, MaidAids co-founder Shayna Heller turned to a Spanish translator to jot down some of the chores she wanted her housekeeper to do. "My housekeeper kept nodding her head 'yes' when I would ask her to do something, but things still weren't getting done," Heller said. "I realized that she didn't understand what I wanted her to do because she really didn't speak English, but was just being polite."
In researching the common phrases, Heller and her two co-founders, Barbara Moller- a Spanish-language translator, and Mike Weiner, a local entrepreneur, hit upon the idea of pre-printing notes that would instruct the housekeeper to do common, and not so common, tasks for the day. Moller added, "Leaving a MaidAid checklist in a prominent place makes sure that your wishes are known to your help. MaidAids are a way to bridge the language barrier easily."
Weiner remarked, "With MaidAids, you get an inexpensive way to get your housekeeper working for you, rather than doing what she or he thinks needs to be done."
MaidAids are available for ordering online at www.MaidAids.com or toll free at 877-879-5810.
NOTE TO EDITOR: We will be happy to send you a free sample of MaidAids upon request. Please email your mailing information to mweiner@maidaids.com. ::
|
